The One with the Titchy Biker
Charlie and Ruffy are off to catch a thief in Bracknell – someone who’s pinched some alloy wheels and thrown them into the back of a stolen convertible. Using much vaunted ‘local knowledge’ they find the car. The wheels have been left lying around, but they spot the suspect and head after him – Charlie on foot and Ruffy in the car, which is why, when he takes to his heels too, he’s able to go tearing past his winded colleague and catch the suspect. Cheat. Ever generous, Charlie even finds some suitable reading material for the prisoner while he waits in the cell – though whether he really wanted to read about botched boob jobs is debatable…
Iestyn and Boris are in Windsor at stupid o’clock looking for a man reportedly trying to break into a car. Boris stays put as the suspect – shirtless and almost as hairy as Boris – is questioned. He’s immensely pie-eyed, and apparently thinks the car is his, though he doesn’t seem to know where he is. Things take a strange turn when he demands to be arrested, but makes no sense. Matters are resolved when his worried spouse reports him missing – having run off from a relative’s home for reasons best left to his own boozy confusion…
Charlie and Ruffy are still in Bracknell, looking into the matter of a man acting suspiciously near some parked cars. Charlie opts for a drugs search as the area is a known dealing spot, while Ruffy homes in on the ‘looking into the parked cars’ thingy. A search reveals a screwdriver secreted in his layers of clothing. One change of name later, they discover he’s known for nicking from cars. His compliance lasts right up to his arrival in custody and starts claiming he’s got needles in his clothing, which just leads to a full on search in a cell.
Back in Slough, Charlie and Ruffy come across a passenger not wearing his seatbelt, so they pull up behind the car as it, coincidentally, draws up at the owner’s home. For some reason, the driver takes immense offence at this and gets so close that Charlie lightly pushes him back – which seems to make him even crosser and leads to perhaps record breaking non co-operation. Not bad given that he wasn’t actually the one who committed the offence. Though he never did take legal action for the push.
Yorkie and Dixie are in Reading and catch some youngsters buzzing up the pavement on the world’s cruddiest moped. The ‘driver’ has no helmet, no license, no insurance and no tax – not surprising given he’s not even shaving yet. Keeping things lighthearted, Yorkie doesn’t bother with an arrest but instead issues the lad with a producer – which means he will have to turn up at the nick with all his documents. Which he hasn’t got. Though he’s escaped the £200 fine and three points on his license – which he also hasn’t got.
Charlie and Ruffy are on the M40 and find a woman driving down the middle lane filming her journey with a mobile phone. So intent is she on her filming, she has no idea they’re alongside – and she even parks right in front of a sliproad entry! One ticket later, she’s on her way; camera switched off. Just in time, too – she was caught just before the phone ban came in.
