The One with the Most Boring Shift Ever

There’s been a spate of vamoose burglaries in Reading, and Dan and Daz are on the case.  They’ve just been overtaken by a sprightly Ford Focus, and their speed is such that blues and twos go on so that the Guys can follow more safely – and the chase is on.  Eventually the driver mucks up a handbrake turn and stalls, before fleeing with Dan in hot pursuit which he has to break off when the guy decides to head onto a main railway line.  Unfortunately, in backing up Dan, Daz has been forced to leave the Focus unattended, so the passengers have scarpered as well.  Dan it thoroughly disappointed as he was almost within grabbing distance – but the car, at least, has been recovered.  While sorting this out, Dan then spots a couple of girls who might well have been in the vehicle – but their drunken bolshiness is such that it’s nearly impossible to deal with them.  Dave arrives – presumably with his dog – to assist, and another youth arrives in a car to pick up some girls.  Dan attempts to question her to clarify that she wasn’t in the car – but this is made extremely difficult by one of the original girls who is determined to interfere and finally talks herself into a section 5 arrest.  Her mouth keeps going even after she’s in the car and the only way to shut up the noise is to shut the car door.  On revisiting the stolen vehicle, it turns out that the car is on false plates as it’s got a tax disc with a different number on it; and at least the original owner is left happy at the end of it all!

Kev and Waller are alerted by a CCTV operator in Slough to a suspected drug deal that’s just been spotted on a camera.  One of the people spotted is well known, so they head in to find him, and catch him alongside a car whose occupants they proceed to search, along with the assistance of Derek.  The passenger is spotted dropping something into the footwell, which turns out to be a wrap of something, and is arrested – but he insists that it’s not his, so they turn their attention the driver and arrest her, too.  Given that she smells of booze, they then have to breathalyse her although she claims to have only had one beer.  This takes a couple of attempts, but she manages it in the end, and promptly fails.  Since no one is claiming possession of the drugs, they’re both going to have to be taken to the nick for it – not to mention the drink drive charge.

Another ANPR operation – this time on the M40. Conrad and Simon are parked up awaiting instructions, and pass the time explaining that they could find absolutely anything today, recalling the famous M4 incident with the samurai sword.  Their first stop is a guy in an uninsured Mondeo which – when pulled over – reeks of cannabis.  Simon tackles the driver to carry out a drug search, who insists that he’s been cuffed only because of his colour, so Simon has to explain that the only reason he’s been cuffed is because he looks so fit that he’d never be caught if he fled!  Things remain reasonably good humoured, and nothing is actually found, so Charlie deals with the matter of insurance.  The guy has insurance – but for another car he owns, assuming that his fully comp policy will grant him third party on the Mondeo, so Simon has to explain that policies only allow this type of cover for cars people don’t actually own.  With the threat of searches being made, the passenger produces some drugs, so everyone heads back to the nick to search more carefully.  Once formalities are completed more discussions ensue over whether a car can be driven uninsured – but this is all moot as, to the driver’s disgust, the Mondeo is to be seized.

Back on patrol in Slough, Charlie and Conrad pull over a car which has no registered keeper and shows as having no insurance.  The driver claims that the car belongs to a mate, and that his mate’s insurance covers anyone to drive the car.  Apparently this includes an unsupervised learner on a provisional license.  The guy hasn’t got much to say, but further queries back at base reveal that the guy is wanted on warrant for failure to comply with a court order.  Searches reveal an improvised crack pipe, so they go through the car to see what’s in there – but all that they find is a TV remote control, mango drink and ginger cake, which the driver requests to take with him.  The guy insists they’ve made a mistake – but they haven’t, so not only is he wanted, but he’s also now been done for driving without insurance and his mate’s car has been seized.   Whoops.

Conrad is back with Simon, and still in Slough.  They’re on a druggie hunt again, and are working out a game plan.  While putting it into action, Conrad spots a suspicious looking vehicle whose driver hastens to don a seatbelt, and suddenly changes his mind over where he’s going.  Nothing attracts a copper’s attention faster than this, and the car is pulled – as they reckon it’s highly likely that the guys have just scored.  The car smells of cannabis, despite the lads claiming that they only smoke roll-ups, so they are advised they’re going to be searched for drugs.  Conrad taking on the driver, Simon searching the passenger, upon whom he finds cigarettes and  rizlas, as well as a small wrap of skunk.  Simon is not entirely willing to accept this is all the guy’s got, so he wants to carry out a further search just to be sure that he’s not been handed a ‘decoy’ package while a further stash for dealing is secreted elsewhere.  If it is all the lad’s got, then he could well have a street caution.  This requires a search in private – either at a nick or in a fully walled transit van, which reveals absolutely nothing.  A final search reveals that they can go ahead with a street caution.

Over in Windsor with Dan and Daz, who’ve been called in to force entry to a house whose occupant hasn’t been seen for three days.  She’s an elderly woman, and neighbours are concerned for her safety.  The house, when they find it, is thoroughly overgrown, no one is answering, and there are a worrying number of flies buzzing at the windows.  Though this is, apparently, a normal situation.  Suspecting the worst, Daz attempts to knock at the door again and gets no answer, so the only alternative is to deploy the enforcer.  This is a dicey matter, not just because of the possibility of finding a body, but also because the lady concerned has a poor opinion of the police.  But they have a duty to be sure that she’s okay, so the door is broken down.  Fortunately, she’s not in any trouble – but Daz is, because he’s just busted her door!  She’s absolutely furious, and won’t accept Daz’s explanations, so all they can do is summon a locksmith, and beat a hasty retreat.

Simon and Conrad are coming to the end of an extraordinarily quiet shift in Reading, and are so bored that they’re eager to respond to a call reporting that some youths have been trying to break into sheds in a residential area before fleeing.  They spot someone who fits one of the descriptions jogging down the street, so they turn round and head towards him, only for him to scarper at the sight of the car.  He stops almost at once in response to Conrad’s command to do so, and explains that he’s a student on his way home from a mate’s house.  Living where he does, he prefers to avoid the street he’s on as it’s a bit of a mugging hotspot, hence his haste.  Spotting the unmarked black patrol car, he went into panic mode – and it was only when he spotted the TVP Crest on Conrad’s fleece, that he realised he wasn’t about to be robbed.